Friday from the Archives: “On the Hinge” an essay by Meredith Anton, from NCLR 13 (2004)
“The crux of my problem is that, while the combination of motherhood and writing saps every morsel
of my energy, each reminds me of why I am alive.” In this personal essay, Anton reflects on the many aspects of attempting a creative cultural grown up life and simultaneously parenting a preschooler. As most readers who have done this know: difficult is the most generous description. Impossible may be more accurate.
For those creative types who have also chosen parenting, the journey through the early years can feel incredibly lonesome, so looking back and knowing other mothers have tried to find some semblance of creative output while also negotiating ice cream cones and dinosaur searches, as Anton did, can relieve some of the pressure of thinking everyone else has it all figured out. This was published in 2004. Doris Betts wrote about having the same conversation when her kids were young. And on and on backwards through time.
And so, we carry on. We write what we know. Anton finishes that way:
“She wraps her little arms around me, gives me one of those rare bear hugs, and those shallow breaths began again. As I hold her, I can feel every contour of her little body, from the strength at the back of her small neck – how those her early months of alertness tried my will – to her soft back on which my fingers can spread and cover entirely, to her little bottom, a miniature version of my own, and the one I often see running away, naked, on a mission or just a quick getaway.
Everything I want to write about hinges on these breaths.”
Read the entire article on Gale Cengage or purchase a copy of the 2004 issue with the feature “Ethnic North Carolina”.
